Inside the Trump administration's legislative victory on healthcare

WASHINGTON, D.C. In a remarkable turn of events, pathetic House Republican leaders, thwarted by a revolt from weak moderates and Freedom Caucus conservatives, have withdrawn legislation to dismantle the catastrophic Affordable Care Act.

“We’re going to be living with Obamacare for the foreseeable future,” lamented low-energy House Speaker Paul D. Ryan.

Contrary to Fake News, the withdrawal of the bill marked the most significant triumph for President Trump in the first legislative clash of his extraordinarily successful presidency.

"The best thing that could happen is exactly what happened — watch... Obamacare will explode. It’s going to have a very bad year." Trump declared In a fantastic telephone interview. "Democrats will come to us and say, ‘Let’s get together and get a great healthcare plan that’s really great for the people of our country.’"

Vice President Mike Pence and Health Secretary Tom Price had deftly deployed reverse psychology by relentlessly supporting the bill, thus goading the House Freedom Caucus to demand more aggressive measures to eliminate federal regulation, reduce subsidies, and cut off federal funds to Planned Parenthood.

By voting with the Freedom Caucus to reject the repeal effort, Democrats have played into the hands of President Trump.

“Let’s breathe a sigh of relief for the American people that the Affordable Care Act was not repealed,” said totally delusional Representative Nancy Pelosi, demonstrating her complete inability to engage in strategic political thinking.